Sunday, July 28, 2013

Why are you Afraid?

And the Lord asked me:

"Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith" (Mark 5:40)

Do you struggle with fear? I do. I never really knew this about myself until a few years ago. If you would have asked me if fear was an issue in my life I would have definitely said No. I was raised to be strong and independent. I know how to put on a tough front and I've worked hard to never let people see my weaknesses. You can't be strong and fearful at the same time. Right? Wrong..

It wasn't until I began digging deeper in my walk with God that I uncovered this "secret" about myself. It wasn't until the Lord began stretching and growing my faith that I realized how fearful I really am. When you've played it safe your whole life it's easy to say you're not afraid. I'm really good at rationalizing why I've always lived life on the sideline instead of joining the game. I know how to hold people at arms length so they can't get too close. I've created a very safe life for myself and never stepped outside what was familiar and comfortable. So, you can imagine my surprise when fear reared it's ugly head. It magnified itself each time God asked me to step out of my comfort zone.
           
                You want me to pray out loud at Bible Study?
                You want me to lead a small group?
                You want me to share my heart with these women?
                You want me to go to Haiti?

On an on the list goes and each time the Lord calls me to something new I always question. Lord are sure you want Me to do that? I'm not equipped for that. But every time I step out in faith and obedience do you know what happens? The Lord equips me and strengthens me and He blesses me in ways I never could have imagined.

                 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will   strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Since I know this to be true, how can I be afraid to step out in faith to whatever it is He is calling me to? It's time to get in the game. It's time to live boldly for Him. What am I afraid of anyway? Who am I living to please? God or man?

He is faithful and He has commanded me to:

                 "Be strong and courageous, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Life is full of unknowns but the one thing that is constant is our God. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Whatever He calls me to do He will enable me to complete it. Even when it seems impossible. All things are possible with God!

                     "Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You" (Psalm 56:3)

What is God calling you to do? Are you ready to step out in faith and leave fear behind? I am.


             
    

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Missing Haiti

Tomorrow will be six weeks since I got back from Haiti. There are not many days that go by that I don't think of the week I spent there or miss something about being there. I often replay over and over  the conversations I had, the people I met, and the sights I saw that will forever be etched in my mind.  I continue to share with everyone I know the stories of all that God is doing there and everything I experienced. What a blessing it was to be a part of something so amazing. Before I left, I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that God had been leading me to go there for the past couple years and finally the time had come when it would come to be.  The fear of the unknown along with stepping so far out of my comfort zone led to some anxiety in the weeks leading up to our departure. In preparation for this journey I specifically spent time addressing these issues in my time with the Lord.
 One day as I prayed God asked me "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith"
(Mark 5:40) As I thought about this I was reminded of  Psalm 56:3 - Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you.  I recalled God's faithfulness in the past and I realized that even in the unknown God would be by my side.
 Excited and anxious all at the same time, the day came and I boarded the plane to Haiti! There I was surrounded by people who did not speak English and flying to a foreign land that even though is not far away from Florida, is a completely different world. We landed and were met at the airport by one of the Mission of Hope staff who would drive us to the main campus. I wish I could describe the city in a way that would give you an accurate picture but the words that come to mind don't really do it justice. Everywhere I looked there was people and stuff and cars and traffic. Honking horns and speeding vehicles filled the streets. It was so chaotic yet so interesting at the same time. It was definitely an overload to my senses to even try to take it all in as our driver sped down the road. The funny thing was though that in the midst of all this chaos I felt a deep sense of peace and knew I was exactly were I was supposed to be. As we drove God reminded me of another verse he had given me as I was preparing for the trip. Philippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus. The peace of God truly is an amazing gift.  As we continued to drive I began to notice the absolute beauty of this country which I certainly did not expect. God's artwork was breathtaking as I stared in awe at the mountains and bright blue waters. I've never seen so much beauty and so much poverty all intermingled together. It was so bizarre yet so beautiful all at the same time.
The purpose of this mission trip was construction. I was pretty excited about this because I don't often get a chance to do physical labor and I was happy to serve the Haitian people by helping in this way. God quickly showed me that this was more about building relationships than building houses, which is even more out of my comfort zone. It is way easier for me to serve people than to sit down and get to know them. If you know me, then you know that I tend to hold people at arms length and love them at a distance. Yes,  I know its something I need to work on and that was an obvious lesson that God wanted to teach me on this trip. Working in Haiti is a lot different than working here in the US. Often times you find yourself having to wait for supplies or wait to see what the next project is. These were the times when the most amazing things happened. These are the times when I would actually sit and talk and it was in those times that God showed me so much. The Haitians that we had the privilege to get to know had so much faith. It wasn't us sharing God with them, it was them showing us what it truly means to walk by faith and to fully rely on God every day. There is so many stories I could share about the encounters I had while I was there but then this post would turn into a book :)  This trip truly was a gift to me from God. One that I am so thankful for. Everyone said when you go on a missions trip it changes you and I expected that it would in a lot of ways. What I didn't expect was that I would  leave a piece of my heart there. Who knew I would fall in love with this beautiful country and these amazing people? Oh yeah, God knew. I pray that this is the first of many trips that God would allow me to go on and that He will continue to reveal even more to me as the weeks and months pass. I'm missing Haiti but the memories will forever be engraved in my heart.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The Beginning of a Journey

I recently had the privilege of traveling to Haiti on my very first mission trip. It’s been three weeks today since we got back and I still have yet to process all that God did in my heart and in my mind during that week. This will probably be one of many ramblings you will hear about the journey that impacted my life so profoundly. I hope that as time goes on I will be able to fully explain how amazing this week really was. I honestly don’t even know where to start which is probably why it’s taken me three weeks to even sit down and try to blog about it. This post may be brief and random but I have to start somewhere. I had prayed before I left that God would fill my heart with words to share about all I experienced, but so far the words have not come. I think of a little tid bit here and there usually at night when I lay down to sleep but every time I time I try to piece it all together my mind goes blank. And of course, I want it to sound perfect. Now I realize this is part of my struggle with writing and always has been which is why I don’t do it; however, I also know God has called me to share my life through writing and I have not been obedient in what He has asked of me.

“Lord, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps” (Jeremiah 10:23)

This was the verse He gave me on my first night in Haiti. Coincidence?? I don’t think so.

I’m not sure why I expect God to show me “what’s next” when I haven’t even done what’s He telling me to do right now. I am always convinced that I can’t write or I shouldn’t write or that no one cares about what I write. Maybe that’s why on my second night in Haiti God reminded me of Romans 9:17:

For scripture says to Me: “I raised you up for this very purpose that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth”

I’m not sure why it is still so hard for me to believe that God wants to use me for His purposes. How amazing is it to be chosen by God and here I am in my stubbornness and perfectionism missing out on the blessings He has for me. Lord forgive me for my disobedience. Please give me the faith of Abraham.

(Romans 4:20) Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God.

Yup, you guessed it. This was the verse God gave me on day three in Haiti.

Funny, when I sat down tonight to write, this was not at all what I planned. I haven’t even gotten to the trip yet, but I guess God had other plans for this post, like to show me why He gave the verses He did. I needed to finally sit still and listen and be obedient. Once again I stand amazed at how God works, how patient He is with me, and how He blesses me so much more than I deserve.

Stay tuned until next time when I actually will share about the country and the people that stole my heart.

Friday, March 1, 2013

The Forgotten Anniversary

It just dawned on me today that yesterday February 28th was the day that Brett Tifft walked out of my life 5 years ago. So strange that this didn’t cross my mind until Today. Not once yesterday did it occur to me what day it was. 5 years ago I would have never imagined that “The Day” would ever come and go unnoticed. I never thought 5 years ago God could heal my heart and transform my life. I couldn’t imagine that there could be life without Brett. 5 years ago I didn’t know that Jesus was all I needed. I didn’t know He was enough. But God………….Only God……could do the work He did in my life and in my heart. Only God could help me to forgive what I once thought was the “unforgivable” sin. Only God could take what Satan meant for evil and turn it into something good. I stand amazed that God used the absolute worst circumstance in my life and turned it around to not only grow me into the women He is calling me to be but to glorify Himself. I still can’t believe God used me to encourage women in their marriages during that time and that He still continues to use me in that way.

5 years later……….I am thankful! Thankful He healed my heart. Thankful He uses me in spite of myself. Thankful He took all the broken pieces of my life and made them into something beautiful. Thankful that He is enough.

It’s not the way I would have written this story, but I’m not the author. God is. As much as I would have loved for Brett to come back into my life and our marriage to be reconciled, that is not what happened. I have no doubt God would have loved that scenario too but we all have free will and Brett made his own choice. The awesome thing is though, that regardless of the outcome God can and has used is All for good.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28

I am so glad He has called me. I know God doesn’t “need” me but I am so thankful He uses me for His purposes and His plans.

So many times I want my life to look different than it does, than I am reminded of All He has done and continues to do in my life and I am grateful. God knows the desires of my heart and I believe He will give them to me in His timing. So much has changed in the last 5 years. I am not the same women I was. Sometimes I still can’t help but think……….I wish Brett could see me now. Then I think if it wasn’t for Brett coming into my life I wouldn’t have come to know the Lord when I did and if it wasn’t for him leaving my life I wouldn’t have clung to Lord and come to know Him the way I do now. It’s bittersweet really…………….but one thing I do know is……….I’m not the same……….I am changed and I look forward to whatever God has planned for me.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Sailing With God

I recently had the honor and privilege to serve alongside some amazing people on the K-Love Friends and Family Music cruise. I am so thankful God allowed me the opportunity to volunteer with Premier Christian Cruises and be apart of something so wonderful. There really aren’t enough words to express all that I felt and experienced during these 5 days. It was so much more than just a vacation or a fun “work” trip. It was more than hearing great music, hanging with sweet sisters that I love, and eating desert everyday. For me, it was a time of refreshment, reflection, and encouragement. God showed up in ways I never expected. He ministered to my soul and I was reminded of His promises to me. He spoke and I actually listened. I don’t always listen. I’m not proud of that fact, but if I’m honest, I have to admit that is true. I can’t tell you the way He used the music to speak to me, particularly during Casting Crowns. I went to the show that night excited to hear great worship music from a band I love; however, God had another plan. As I stood there weeping, God spoke so clearly to my heart and I knew there was so much more that He has planned for me. Things that I have known but choose to ignore, Things that fear tells me I can’t do. Things that require more faith than I have. Oh Lord, forgive me. It grieves my heart to think that God wants to use me but that I might never experience all He has for me because I am afraid. I don’t want to be afraid anymore.

”But He said to me, Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” (Mark 4:40)

I don’t want the fear of rejection or ridicule to keep me from doing and experiencing what God has for me. After all, who am I living to please…God or man?
Among other things, one of God’s nudges was in regard to my writing, which I still have yet to start. Yes, I did start a blog several years ago, although I never continued to write because I talked myself out of that. I had a million reasons, none of them good ones. It was just me being fearful and rationalizing that it really wasn’t God that called me to write. Just so you know, this has been an ongoing struggle for years. I feel God nudge me to write. I make excuses and never actually do it. Then I put it out of my mind. At some point God brings it up again and we repeat this ridiculous cycle. Yes, I do realize this is pathetic. So, you ask, why is this time any different. Well let me tell you why. On the last day of the cruise we were sitting in morning worship service. It was a wonderful time of praising God and hearing a relevant message. At the end the pastor asked everyone to bow their heads and pray. Then he asked us to reach out to the person near us and pray for them. No problem. My friend was next to me and I was prepared to reach out, grab her hand, and pray for her. Then the pastor said, reach out to someone you don’t know. Oh,……hmmmm….that’s kinda out of my comfort zone……..well……….ummm….really??? In that moment, God said “you need to reach out to the women in front of you” Really God. This is kinda awkward. Yup, next thing I know I got out of my seat and put my hand on her shoulder and said, I really feel God wants me to pray for you. Long story short she shared that she was struggling in her marriage and I prayed for her. We met later that day and I shared my story of standing for my marriage and all God did in and through that time. How ironic that God still uses me to encourage others in their marriages, but I am so thankful that He does. He continues to use a situation that was so difficult and even though if didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, He still uses it for good. Not only did He allow me to encourage my new friend, He used her to speak to me in a powerful way and she didn’t even know it. At the end of our conversation that afternoon, I gave her a couple verses God had given me as I was praying. She thanked me for sharing and encouraging her. Then as I was turning to walk away she says “ you know, you should write a book”

What?? Ok. God. I hear you. You know I’m stubborn so you used a perfect stranger who knows nothing about me or my writing phoebe to speak loud and clear what you wanted me to hear.

As I recounted this story to my dear precious friend over the phone when I returned from the trip , she laughed and said “Here’s your sign”
Yes, it sure is my sign. I don’t think it could be much clearer. I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to write or what the purpose of my writing even is. All I know is I am suppose to do it. It’s time to take a step. Time to start somewhere. So I am starting here.
 

 

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Running Ahead

Wow. I can’t really believe it’s been more than 3 months since I posted anything….fail. I had really good intentions when I went back to work that I would still have plenty of time to blog and do everything else I need to do. I don’t know if I haven’t had the time or haven’t made the time. I think maybe the latter might be the case. My intentions are always good but my follow through, well that needs work. At least I’m honest.
Obviously so much has happened these last months that I could write a book, so instead I will pick my latest challenge and focus on that for today. This is not a new struggle for me but a reoccurring one…………….running ahead of God. So, here we go around that mountain yet again.  I don’t know why that the moment I see God working I automatically want to run ahead.  Instead of simply praising Him for what He is doing in that moment and wait for Him to show me the next step I immediately want to anticipate what’s going to happen next. Instead of surrendering to Him and continuing to walk in daily obedience the former control freak inside pops out and says “thanks God, I’ll take it from here”. Then you know what happens?  Things never turn out the way I planned or expected. Go figure, huh. I don’t know why I become impatient when waiting for God to show me the next step. I know His plans are better than mine. I know He is faithful to all He has promised. I have watched Him answer prayer in my life many times.
 He recently reminded me of this again as I was reading in Habakkuk:
The vision is yet for the appointed time…though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay. (Habakkuk 2:3)
God always fulfills His promises, in His time, not mine. So even though I know this to be true why do I continue to struggle? Too often I get caught up in trying to figure it out myself instead of trusting the One who is in control.
                Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your   ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

 I’ve wasted a lot of time this week dwelling on things beyond my control.  Then God gently reminded me “Be still and know that I am God”.  I know God has a great plan for my life. He has already done so much more than I could have imagined. Lord, forgive me for losing my focus and running ahead. Help me to enjoy all you are blessing me with right now and to savor the moment without worrying about what the future holds. Help me take every thought captive and make it obedient to you as I strive to walk in your perfect will for my life.

Friday, September 17, 2010

He Will

Don’t you just love it when the same scripture continues to “show up” over and over from completely unrelated sources? I do.  What a confirmation from God that He is trying to get my attention. Many times I will read a passage of scripture in a devotional or the bible but don’t stop to consider it’s implication in my life. Those are the times that I seem to get bombarded with the verse from every direction as if God is saying “hello I’m talking to you”! For instance, this week I received a daily devotion that contained Zephaniah 3:17. I read it and thought what a great verse it is, but never stopped to really let it soak in. A day or so later the same verse popped up on a friend’s face book status, then again this morning in an email from my bible study leader. Coincidence, hmmm I don’t think so. Three times in less than a week, obviously this is something I need to commit to memory. I now have the verse written on a bright pink index card to carry with me so I don’t forget!
                The Lord your God is with you
                He is mighty to save.
                He will take great delight in you,
                He will quiet you with His love,
                He will rejoice over you with singing.
Do you see that?  This is a promise from God himself for you and me. Think about it, believe it, and claim it for yourself. Don’t just read it and keep on going like I did at first. Meditate on it, rejoice over it, and hide it in your heart.  God doesn’t say He might do these things, He says He will. The Lord is with YOU and me. How awesome is that?
 After lingering over this verse for quite some time this morning God thought I needed an additional reminder that I am not alone and that He is always with me and I was lead to this familiar verse:
                When you pass through the waters
                I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers
                They will NOT sweep over you.
                When you walk through the fire,
                You will NOT be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
                For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
                I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.
                Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you (Isaiah 43:2-4)  
I don’t know about you, but these passages bring me so much hope and hope is something I need a lot of right now as I struggle with many trials. In the midst of these storms in my life I can rest in the fact that He will…..