I recently had the honor and privilege to serve alongside some amazing people on the K-Love Friends and Family Music cruise. I am so thankful God allowed me the opportunity to volunteer with Premier Christian Cruises and be apart of something so wonderful. There really aren’t enough words to express all that I felt and experienced during these 5 days. It was so much more than just a vacation or a fun “work” trip. It was more than hearing great music, hanging with sweet sisters that I love, and eating desert everyday. For me, it was a time of refreshment, reflection, and encouragement. God showed up in ways I never expected. He ministered to my soul and I was reminded of His promises to me. He spoke and I actually listened. I don’t always listen. I’m not proud of that fact, but if I’m honest, I have to admit that is true. I can’t tell you the way He used the music to speak to me, particularly during Casting Crowns. I went to the show that night excited to hear great worship music from a band I love; however, God had another plan. As I stood there weeping, God spoke so clearly to my heart and I knew there was so much more that He has planned for me. Things that I have known but choose to ignore, Things that fear tells me I can’t do. Things that require more faith than I have. Oh Lord, forgive me. It grieves my heart to think that God wants to use me but that I might never experience all He has for me because I am afraid. I don’t want to be afraid anymore.
”But He said to me, Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” (Mark 4:40)
I don’t want the fear of rejection or ridicule to keep me from doing and experiencing what God has for me. After all, who am I living to please…God or man?
Among other things, one of God’s nudges was in regard to my writing, which I still have yet to start. Yes, I did start a blog several years ago, although I never continued to write because I talked myself out of that. I had a million reasons, none of them good ones. It was just me being fearful and rationalizing that it really wasn’t God that called me to write. Just so you know, this has been an ongoing struggle for years. I feel God nudge me to write. I make excuses and never actually do it. Then I put it out of my mind. At some point God brings it up again and we repeat this ridiculous cycle. Yes, I do realize this is pathetic. So, you ask, why is this time any different. Well let me tell you why. On the last day of the cruise we were sitting in morning worship service. It was a wonderful time of praising God and hearing a relevant message. At the end the pastor asked everyone to bow their heads and pray. Then he asked us to reach out to the person near us and pray for them. No problem. My friend was next to me and I was prepared to reach out, grab her hand, and pray for her. Then the pastor said, reach out to someone you don’t know. Oh,……hmmmm….that’s kinda out of my comfort zone……..well……….ummm….really??? In that moment, God said “you need to reach out to the women in front of you” Really God. This is kinda awkward. Yup, next thing I know I got out of my seat and put my hand on her shoulder and said, I really feel God wants me to pray for you. Long story short she shared that she was struggling in her marriage and I prayed for her. We met later that day and I shared my story of standing for my marriage and all God did in and through that time. How ironic that God still uses me to encourage others in their marriages, but I am so thankful that He does. He continues to use a situation that was so difficult and even though if didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, He still uses it for good. Not only did He allow me to encourage my new friend, He used her to speak to me in a powerful way and she didn’t even know it. At the end of our conversation that afternoon, I gave her a couple verses God had given me as I was praying. She thanked me for sharing and encouraging her. Then as I was turning to walk away she says “ you know, you should write a book”
What?? Ok. God. I hear you. You know I’m stubborn so you used a perfect stranger who knows nothing about me or my writing phoebe to speak loud and clear what you wanted me to hear.
As I recounted this story to my dear precious friend over the phone when I returned from the trip , she laughed and said “Here’s your sign”
Yes, it sure is my sign. I don’t think it could be much clearer. I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to write or what the purpose of my writing even is. All I know is I am suppose to do it. It’s time to take a step. Time to start somewhere. So I am starting here.