The Birthday Party I Didn't Get to Throw

Yesterday was my son’s sixteen birthday. This was supposed to be a wonderful day. If you’re a mom you know what I mean. You’ve thought about your child’s sixteen birthday for years. It’s been planned in your mind down to the last detail. Well unfortunately things don’t always go according to plan. I had several scenarios of T’s birthday in mind I just hadn’t figured out which would be the best option, and since I’m a last minute kind of gal I hadn’t made definite arrangements, which as it turned out was for the best.


Earlier this summer my son decided to go see his dad after not having seen him for awhile. There is a long story behind that, but that’s for another time. I’m honestly not sure what happened during that visit but T decided he should stay with his dad and although I know this is not the best decision I am allowing it for now. Needless to say, this has put a huge strain on my relationship with my son and a damper on my plans for his upcoming birthday. To add another stumbling block to the mix I recently had major surgery so this limited my ability to even have the celebration I always dreamed of.

During the time my son has been living with his dad we have had very little contact until recently. If you know me this has not been easy because my son and I are very close, but teenagers can be difficult or so I have been told. This has been the first really difficult experience I have had, so I guess I am pretty fortunate. I desperately wanted to “fix” everything and for my son to get back on the right path, but we all have our own walk and as I am learning it’s God who is in control, not me. I needed to surrender it all to Him and wait. Last week we finally began communicating again and long story short I was going to get the see T for his birthday! I was beyond thrilled. It may not have been what I envisioned but it would still be special. Then the night before the big day plans changed and I was no longer going to get to spend those few precious hours with my boy.

To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement. How could this be happening? Of course, I did the mature thing and whined to my friend about why is this happening to me…yadda, yadda, yadda… I did a good job of feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been known to throw a great pity-party. I woke up on the morning of the big day and felt awful from barely sleeping and considered spending the day in bed until it was over. I kept praying there would be a change and our plans would be back on again, but that didn’t happen either. Instead I grabbed my bible and tried really hard to get my focus off my misery and allow God to comfort me. Then it occurred to me that I could sit and wallow all day or I could make my day productive. Well as productive as I can be considering I am still recovering from my surgery. I mentioned in my previous post God had put it on my heart quite a while ago to start blogging and although I did make an attempt last week by typing up a “post” I didn’t actually set up a real blog. I kept putting it off and was going to do it another day or next week or…….who knows when. I realized I needed to stop procrastinating and just do it, so that is what I did and it felt great!

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28)

What could have been a day full of self pity God turned into a day for me to start something new and I am grateful for that. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing I would have loved more than to celebrate my son’s sixteen birthday with him, but you can’t always get what you want. Hey, isn’t that a song? Seriously though, even in the hardest times we need to keep trusting, keep seeking, and keep believing that God can and will work all things for good and once again He proved He is faithful.

Here is my birthday wish for my son:

My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad;
My inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right.
Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path.
(Proverbs 23:15 & 19)

To Blog or Not to Blog.........That is the Question

Many years ago I was a gifted writer. I’m talking a long, long, time………like back in high school! Yeah I know that was like a hundred years ago. Why didn’t I ever pursue this you may ask? Well, recently I have asked myself the very same thing and I could list a million reasons, none of them good ones, but the fact is, I didn’t and now quite honestly I have regrets. For a long time I never gave it any thought as I was too busy living my life, raising babies, working, and you get the idea. I was going through the motions of life but not living out the life that God had intended for me. Of course during those years it never occurred to me to actually seek God’s will for my life. I was a Sunday Christian and a good person, isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Yes, I know now the answer to that question is no, but it took many years before I would realize that. There are a whole lot of years and a whole lot of testimony from then until now, but that is a story for a later time ,if I actually get the courage to start blogging. I’ve written a million posts in my mind but somehow they never make it to paper. I’ve had a couple dear friends encourage me to step out and just do it. So what is holding me back? Is it insecurity or the fact that I am a perfectionist or that I haven’t written in so long I don’t know if I can do it anymore? Probably, because you see, I am a big blog stalker and there are so many amazing blogs out there. I haven’t used my gift in so long that I can’t possibly still be able to write, can I? How in the world could I compare with that? And then it occurred to me, I don’t have to compare myself to anyone else. God created me uniquely for a reason. He wants me to be different and He gave me the talents and gifts that He wants me to use to fulfill His purpose for my life. He’s not concerned about proper sentence structure and punctuation. Lately I have been really doing some soul searching and trying to truly seek God’s will. Am I using all my talents, gifts, and resources He has entrusted to me? Hmmm, I think the answer is no Yes, I am serving; I am stepping out in many areas that I never imagined, and yes I am pursuing Him more in the past couple of years than ever in my life, but is there more I could/should be doing? I’m going to say yes there is. Is one of the things to start a blog……..maybe. This may be an act of obedience or stepping stone to something else, who knows. It’s possible no one will ever even read it and that’s ok too. Maybe it will just be a way to record what I am learning as a fumble my way through life. Maybe I will write something that actually speaks into someone’s life and lets them know they are not alone. Maybe l will provide comfort for someone who is hurting. Maybe I might bring a smile to someone’s face or give them hope when they feel that they can’t make it through another day. Maybe, just maybe……who knows………..


Who knows, God knows and as long as He knows that’s good enough for me.

Time to Step out………………