Running Ahead

Wow. I can’t really believe it’s been more than 3 months since I posted anything….fail. I had really good intentions when I went back to work that I would still have plenty of time to blog and do everything else I need to do. I don’t know if I haven’t had the time or haven’t made the time. I think maybe the latter might be the case. My intentions are always good but my follow through, well that needs work. At least I’m honest.

Obviously so much has happened these last months that I could write a book, so instead I will pick my latest challenge and focus on that for today. This is not a new struggle for me but a reoccurring one…………….running ahead of God. So, here we go around that mountain yet again.  I don’t know why that the moment I see God working I automatically want to run ahead.  Instead of simply praising Him for what He is doing in that moment and wait for Him to show me the next step I immediately want to anticipate what’s going to happen next. Instead of surrendering to Him and continuing to walk in daily obedience the former control freak inside pops out and says “thanks God, I’ll take it from here”. Then you know what happens?  Things never turn out the way I planned or expected. Go figure, huh. I don’t know why I become impatient when waiting for God to show me the next step. I know His plans are better than mine. I know He is faithful to all He has promised. I have watched Him answer prayer in my life many times.

 He recently reminded me of this again as I was reading in Habakkuk:

The vision is yet for the appointed time…though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay. (Habakkuk 2:3)

God always fulfills His promises, in His time, not mine. So even though I know this to be true why do I continue to struggle? Too often I get caught up in trying to figure it out myself instead of trusting the One who is in control.

                Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your   ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

 I’ve wasted a lot of time this week dwelling on things beyond my control.  Then God gently reminded me “Be still and know that I am God”.  I know God has a great plan for my life. He has already done so much more than I could have imagined. Lord, forgive me for losing my focus and running ahead. Help me to enjoy all you are blessing me with right now and to savor the moment without worrying about what the future holds. Help me take every thought captive and make it obedient to you as I strive to walk in your perfect will for my life.

He Will

Don’t you just love it when the same scripture continues to “show up” over and over from completely unrelated sources? I do.  What a confirmation from God that He is trying to get my attention. Many times I will read a passage of scripture in a devotional or the bible but don’t stop to consider it’s implication in my life. Those are the times that I seem to get bombarded with the verse from every direction as if God is saying “hello I’m talking to you”! For instance, this week I received a daily devotion that contained Zephaniah 3:17. I read it and thought what a great verse it is, but never stopped to really let it soak in. A day or so later the same verse popped up on a friend’s face book status, then again this morning in an email from my bible study leader. Coincidence, hmmm I don’t think so. Three times in less than a week, obviously this is something I need to commit to memory. I now have the verse written on a bright pink index card to carry with me so I don’t forget!

                The Lord your God is with you

                He is mighty to save.

                He will take great delight in you,

                He will quiet you with His love,

                He will rejoice over you with singing.

Do you see that?  This is a promise from God himself for you and me. Think about it, believe it, and claim it for yourself. Don’t just read it and keep on going like I did at first. Meditate on it, rejoice over it, and hide it in your heart.  God doesn’t say He might do these things, He says He will. The Lord is with YOU and me. How awesome is that?

 After lingering over this verse for quite some time this morning God thought I needed an additional reminder that I am not alone and that He is always with me and I was lead to this familiar verse:

                When you pass through the waters

                I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers

                They will NOT sweep over you.

                When you walk through the fire,

                You will NOT be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

                For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

                I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.

                Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you (Isaiah 43:2-4)  

I don’t know about you, but these passages bring me so much hope and hope is something I need a lot of right now as I struggle with many trials. In the midst of these storms in my life I can rest in the fact that He will…..

If You Lost it All Would Your Hands Stay Lifted?

The other day I heard the song I’m Still Yours by Kutlass. What a powerful and thought provoking song. Here are the words:


If You washed away my vanity
If You took away my words
If all my world was swept away
Would You be enough for me?
Would my beating heart still sing?

If I lost it all
Would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away

If You take it all
This life You've given
Still my heart will sing to You

When my life is not what I expected
The plans I made have failed
When there's nothing left to steal me away
Will You be enough for me?
Will my broken heart still sing?


If I lost it all
Would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives
And takes away
If You take it all
This life You've given
Still my heart
Will sing to You


Even if You take it all away
You’ll never let me go
Take it all away
But I still know

That I'm Yours

I'm still Yours
Oh, I'm Yours
I'm still Yours
I'm still Yours

Have you ever asked yourself if God is enough for you? I know we all say He is, but is He really?
When life doesn’t go as you expected, do you cling to Him or turn away?
What would you do if you lost it all? Would your hands stay lifted?

Those are the things we don’t really want to think about. It’s easy to say that’s what we believe and hope we never have to prove it. I never in a million years thought my world would come crumbling down around me and I would have to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. During the past couple years I have endured tremendous loss, had my heart completely broken, and walked through pain that was almost unbearable. But it was in that loss and that brokenness that God met me and walked with me. In my own strength I could never have gotten this far and would not be able to continue to endure these trials. I have no idea what the outcome will be of my current circumstances, but God does and He is faithful. He has taken these tragedies and used them for good by teaching me valuable lessons, strengthening my faith, growing me in ways I never imagined, and allowing me to encourage others who are facing similar situations. He has brought some amazing people in my life to walk along side me in this journey and reconnected me to people from my past that have provided me encouragement when I needed it the most. Has it been easy? NO WAY. Has it been worth it? Absolutely! Yes, I have lost a lot, but I have gained even more.

My husband used to have a t-shirt that said “You never know that Jesus is all that you need until He is all that you have.” I have to be honest; a couple years ago I  had no idea what that really meant. I do now and I am thankful.

The Birthday Party I Didn't Get to Throw

Yesterday was my son’s sixteen birthday. This was supposed to be a wonderful day. If you’re a mom you know what I mean. You’ve thought about your child’s sixteen birthday for years. It’s been planned in your mind down to the last detail. Well unfortunately things don’t always go according to plan. I had several scenarios of T’s birthday in mind I just hadn’t figured out which would be the best option, and since I’m a last minute kind of gal I hadn’t made definite arrangements, which as it turned out was for the best.


Earlier this summer my son decided to go see his dad after not having seen him for awhile. There is a long story behind that, but that’s for another time. I’m honestly not sure what happened during that visit but T decided he should stay with his dad and although I know this is not the best decision I am allowing it for now. Needless to say, this has put a huge strain on my relationship with my son and a damper on my plans for his upcoming birthday. To add another stumbling block to the mix I recently had major surgery so this limited my ability to even have the celebration I always dreamed of.

During the time my son has been living with his dad we have had very little contact until recently. If you know me this has not been easy because my son and I are very close, but teenagers can be difficult or so I have been told. This has been the first really difficult experience I have had, so I guess I am pretty fortunate. I desperately wanted to “fix” everything and for my son to get back on the right path, but we all have our own walk and as I am learning it’s God who is in control, not me. I needed to surrender it all to Him and wait. Last week we finally began communicating again and long story short I was going to get the see T for his birthday! I was beyond thrilled. It may not have been what I envisioned but it would still be special. Then the night before the big day plans changed and I was no longer going to get to spend those few precious hours with my boy.

To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement. How could this be happening? Of course, I did the mature thing and whined to my friend about why is this happening to me…yadda, yadda, yadda… I did a good job of feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been known to throw a great pity-party. I woke up on the morning of the big day and felt awful from barely sleeping and considered spending the day in bed until it was over. I kept praying there would be a change and our plans would be back on again, but that didn’t happen either. Instead I grabbed my bible and tried really hard to get my focus off my misery and allow God to comfort me. Then it occurred to me that I could sit and wallow all day or I could make my day productive. Well as productive as I can be considering I am still recovering from my surgery. I mentioned in my previous post God had put it on my heart quite a while ago to start blogging and although I did make an attempt last week by typing up a “post” I didn’t actually set up a real blog. I kept putting it off and was going to do it another day or next week or…….who knows when. I realized I needed to stop procrastinating and just do it, so that is what I did and it felt great!

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28)

What could have been a day full of self pity God turned into a day for me to start something new and I am grateful for that. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing I would have loved more than to celebrate my son’s sixteen birthday with him, but you can’t always get what you want. Hey, isn’t that a song? Seriously though, even in the hardest times we need to keep trusting, keep seeking, and keep believing that God can and will work all things for good and once again He proved He is faithful.

Here is my birthday wish for my son:

My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad;
My inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right.
Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path.
(Proverbs 23:15 & 19)

To Blog or Not to Blog.........That is the Question

Many years ago I was a gifted writer. I’m talking a long, long, time………like back in high school! Yeah I know that was like a hundred years ago. Why didn’t I ever pursue this you may ask? Well, recently I have asked myself the very same thing and I could list a million reasons, none of them good ones, but the fact is, I didn’t and now quite honestly I have regrets. For a long time I never gave it any thought as I was too busy living my life, raising babies, working, and you get the idea. I was going through the motions of life but not living out the life that God had intended for me. Of course during those years it never occurred to me to actually seek God’s will for my life. I was a Sunday Christian and a good person, isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Yes, I know now the answer to that question is no, but it took many years before I would realize that. There are a whole lot of years and a whole lot of testimony from then until now, but that is a story for a later time ,if I actually get the courage to start blogging. I’ve written a million posts in my mind but somehow they never make it to paper. I’ve had a couple dear friends encourage me to step out and just do it. So what is holding me back? Is it insecurity or the fact that I am a perfectionist or that I haven’t written in so long I don’t know if I can do it anymore? Probably, because you see, I am a big blog stalker and there are so many amazing blogs out there. I haven’t used my gift in so long that I can’t possibly still be able to write, can I? How in the world could I compare with that? And then it occurred to me, I don’t have to compare myself to anyone else. God created me uniquely for a reason. He wants me to be different and He gave me the talents and gifts that He wants me to use to fulfill His purpose for my life. He’s not concerned about proper sentence structure and punctuation. Lately I have been really doing some soul searching and trying to truly seek God’s will. Am I using all my talents, gifts, and resources He has entrusted to me? Hmmm, I think the answer is no Yes, I am serving; I am stepping out in many areas that I never imagined, and yes I am pursuing Him more in the past couple of years than ever in my life, but is there more I could/should be doing? I’m going to say yes there is. Is one of the things to start a blog……..maybe. This may be an act of obedience or stepping stone to something else, who knows. It’s possible no one will ever even read it and that’s ok too. Maybe it will just be a way to record what I am learning as a fumble my way through life. Maybe I will write something that actually speaks into someone’s life and lets them know they are not alone. Maybe l will provide comfort for someone who is hurting. Maybe I might bring a smile to someone’s face or give them hope when they feel that they can’t make it through another day. Maybe, just maybe……who knows………..


Who knows, God knows and as long as He knows that’s good enough for me.

Time to Step out………………